As a child, I used to think too much. Whether this is a pro or a con, i’ll never know. What I do know, is the overthinker is considerably seen as flawed. I lived in my imagination, and managed to find stories in anything and everything around me. I wanted the answers to almost everything and challenged my parents far past their expectations. I wanted to know exactly how far the seas would go, and where it all ended. I wanted to know what happened to people after they died, and questioned where their souls went? Still looking for answers with this one. I didn’t understand the science behind the stars but found answers in the constellations, convincing myself that each connected star made up of some sort of image or symbol and that alone meant something.
Moral of all this, I dreamt too much, was never a realist. I lived in my thoughts and the life that I wanted to live only resulted in a feeling of being unfulfilled, that the life I was living had lost its meaning and was not enough. It is this type of feeling that is way too dangerous to have as a child. My mother used to tell me I’m too ahead of my time, an old soul. My childhood friend used to tell me that my way of thinking is poison and that one day it will get the best of me. I guess it did, but it also taught me about the darkness that gets you when you’re drowning in ordinary. I can honestly say that nothing rewards you more than getting the fuck away from what you’re used too. Sometimes you just need to pack up and leave, and this is exactly what I did this year.
The summer of 2018, I graduated from University in Journalism. As for most, this was just a natural step in life, but for me, a University degree was never in my books. While my sister admitted to crying at my graduation, we spoke about the fact that we never thought this day would come and those close to me, know how much of an accomplishment this was for me. Although, being someone that puts a little too much pressure on me, this was still not enough. Now I sat in the same lukewarm pool that every other graduate did. The pool of the unemployed, trying to pay back overdrafts, and getting a grip of a working job that was not even close to what we dreamed of doing.
So as 2018 was slowly coming to an end, I realised I had enough. I was tired of deleting emails that I didn’t even have to open because the subject line had already told me that I did not get the job. Maybe I expected to get everything I wanted straight out of Uni, but the life I was living was not good enough and I knew I had to get away. As an expat child, I was raised in living life to its fullest. Each day had meaning. You very rarely lived the same day twice. So there I was, belongings in storage, no flat to go back too, a small suitcase and a one-way ticket out of London.
I said bye to my friends who I was so used to seeing on a daily basis, checked into my flight and before I knew it, I was sitting in a chair with no leg room for a girl whose 5ft8, and was seriously regretting my decision. Whilst I dramatically looked out of my aeroplane window, thinking way too much about everything I was leaving behind, contemplating when I would return, or what to do once I landed. The anxiety was real and stayed in the pit of my stomach for the entire 15-hour journey.
As soon as I landed, I switched. I realised why I decided to do this in the first place. I no longer cared about the life I had given up back home or the fact that I would be returning to absolutely nothing. No home. No money in my account. No job. None of that mattered because I had never felt more alive than walking the over-clustered, polluted streets of Asia. I got to witness life-changing landmarks that I had only ever seen on social media. Ate street food made from the hands of someone’s lucky grandma. I watched life go by. The never-ending rush of scooters, kids running around aimlessly with so much light and happiness because despite living a lesser life than the kids back home, it was enough and they were happy. I travelled back home to a place that I knew way too well, visited childhood friends that truly knew me (the old me before I got ruined by the adult way of life). I rode bikes with my best friend in the rural forest of Thailand. I stayed up in the city of Bangkok, the city that never sleeps and met strangers along the way, all living the life they wanted. I went to stunning temples and felt a whole new aura of peace within them. Lastly, I took long lonesome walks on the beach with music playing, and still questioned where the seas would end.
Your twenties are supposed to be about self-discovery. Learning about your likes and dislikes, getting to adventure out by yourself, on your lonesome. The mistakes you make, well now is the time to do it because you’re young and there is no way you truly know who you are at this age. No one does. If they do, they’re lying to you. These life experiences here are what you will later be grateful for, and in the long run, these experiences will definitely change you in the best way possible. It’s not always about hopping on a plane but more about getting yourself out of your comfort zone. Now’s the time to do it.